The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
