I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
