one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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