rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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