If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
