Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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