big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.