if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
