I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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