It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?