I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place