So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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