I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
