you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
