you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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