Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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