she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
