he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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