Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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