Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
