So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
