You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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