you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
