are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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