he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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