you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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