I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
