i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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