My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
