Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
