Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
