I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
