Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
