well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
