Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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