Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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