this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
