My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
