my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
