why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
