you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
