I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
