So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
