You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
