This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
