just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
