he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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