also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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