Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize