The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Shame - the story of my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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