Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
