even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Send help, water and tortillas.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
