I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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