It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
