tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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