I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.