Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.