he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
