Only a mothe r could love this liver
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.