Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two

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  (617): I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two http://tfl.nu/3vhn
  Replies (6) Good night (3298) Bad night (1468)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.

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  (330): Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like. http://tfl.nu/uplz
  Replies (5) Good night (3599) Bad night (1013)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.

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  (214): Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing. http://tfl.nu/4y7p
  Replies (9) Good night (6177) Bad night (1294)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

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  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3842) Bad night (974)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  How did you break your hand eating pizza?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Boxes are hard to see rocks through.

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  (603): Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza. (1-603): How did you break your hand eating pizza? (603): Boxes are hard to see rocks through. http://tfl.nu/kquz
  Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (889)
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  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.

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  (340): I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen. http://tfl.nu/cees
  Replies (25) Good night (4010) Bad night (1333)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!

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  (405): The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes! http://tfl.nu/kv24
  Replies (15) Good night (2692) Bad night (651)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order

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  (443): Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order http://tfl.nu/s460
  Replies (4) Good night (1219) Bad night (620)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"

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  (701): Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..? (1-701): No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup" http://tfl.nu/9q23
  Replies (1) Good night (1740) Bad night (893)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.

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  (678): I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding. http://tfl.nu/gais
  Replies (6) Good night (1668) Bad night (544)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.

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  (402): the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion. http://tfl.nu/w3kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1125) Bad night (599)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule

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  (419): you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule http://tfl.nu/gkls
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (419)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.

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  (248): I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl. http://tfl.nu/rz4s
  Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (413)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".

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  (386): When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me". http://tfl.nu/x44y
  Replies (0) Good night (725) Bad night (260)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.

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  (647): We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present. http://tfl.nu/h55y
  Replies (4) Good night (646) Bad night (205)

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