Got a toothbrush?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.