Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen