Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

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  (202): respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus http://tfl.nu/nfd9
  Replies (26) Good night (821) Bad night (3560)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5831) Bad night (1458)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

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  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6702) Bad night (2449)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.

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  (740): He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick. http://tfl.nu/4s44
  Replies (22) Good night (4816) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok

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  (443): I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/hllh
  Replies (7) Good night (3247) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"

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  (707): then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure" http://tfl.nu/54yc
  Replies (15) Good night (1301) Bad night (3830)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.

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  (724): Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately. http://tfl.nu/qxtl
  Replies (8) Good night (2351) Bad night (1335)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.

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  (856): I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog. http://tfl.nu/f78e
  Replies (5) Good night (2310) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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  (+44): I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone? http://tfl.nu/7opu
  Replies (4) Good night (2362) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.

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  (573): What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important. http://tfl.nu/vy7b
  Replies (19) Good night (612) Bad night (4870)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.

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  (239): allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee. http://tfl.nu/rbdo
  Replies (5) Good night (694) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina

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  (920): Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina http://tfl.nu/ae28
  Replies (10) Good night (2904) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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  (478): Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night. http://tfl.nu/09o6
  Replies (3) Good night (910) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.

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  (518): He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around. http://tfl.nu/trrm
  Replies (2) Good night (1429) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.

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  (248): I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/2xdx
  Replies (8) Good night (426) Bad night (751)

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