like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.