I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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