Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
