Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
