So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
