I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
