Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
