i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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