meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
