Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize